Malice Aforethought

By Bud Koenemund

For "Her."

Oh, what delight you must’ve taken each
Time you returned to strip my soul anew;
Dangling your heart ever beyond my reach,
While I, blind in love, couldn’t see the clues
Which might, perhaps, have spared me the malice
Swirling about your breast like a maelstrom;
Spewing words sharp as daggers, and callous
Deeds intended to leave sanity numb,
Even as I pledged renewed devotion.
But, the years of pain have taught a lesson,
Lifting thy enchantment – a curse broken –
And passion faded like mist in the sun.
   I won’t claim affection turned enmity;
   Rather, your spite has engendered pity.

Deceit and Pity

By Bud Koenemund

For "Her."

Once upon a time, I would have given
My last breath to hear you whisper my name
In love; the balm healing a soul riven;
Reciprocation of passion untamed.
But, your deceit ruined affection, and
To thy mem’ry I am no longer bound.
Your occasional communiqués can
Only be efforts to re-open wounds –
And that Siren song is now powerless.
Although attempts to tear at sanity
Persist, their effect is rendered harmless;
Inspiring nothing more than pity.
   Henceforth, I’ll never take thy word as truth,
   For ‘gainst your deceptions my heart is proofed.

Resignation

By Bud Koenemund

A certain freedom comes with surrender
(Interpret this as: giving up; quitting) –
Conceding defeat not to engender
Pity, but to gain peace by admitting
I lack the strength to fight every ghost:
Past, present, and future knit together.
When yielding is less painful than love lost,
I must end devotion to that altar.
The mind acknowledges this submission
Seems childish; the heart no longer cares.
Affection, once golden, has become dun,
And by relenting I escape despair.
   Serenity lies in accepting that
   I’ll die alone…and be eaten by cats.