From Dust to Dust

By Bud Koenemund

Why would I fear something I have wished for,
Even tempted, nigh on 25 years?
What suffering exists beyond abhorred
Death’s veil that could eclipse pain endured here?
I should welcome an end to this torment –
The unceasing agony called life – which
Has left both intellect and body rent;
Bereft in spirit; with a soul of pitch.
Unafraid, I hold surrender not a sin;
I’ll embrace the darkness; finally
Set free from worldly struggles; whole again,
Someplace where these griefs no longer bind me.
   From dust, to dust, and thus a debt is paid
   When I, at last, am by the Reaper bade.

We Said Our Goodbyes

By Bud Koenemund

Of course, I had to see you walk away –
My eye drawn to you like a firefly’s
Light in darkness – while memory replayed
The moment when passion withered and died.
Of course, I had to see you walk away;
Enduring one more stab in the heart.
Unable to simply go about my day:
You’d just be gone; leaving me torn apart.
Of course, I had to see you walk away.
We’d said our goodbyes already. But fate
Wouldn’t allow peace, and time won’t belay
Pain. Still, I’ll not let my love become hate.
   Each day, I seek to put sadness behind;
   E’en as your absence constantly reminds.

The Woods are Lovely, Dark, and Deep

 By Bud Koenemund

It’s sneaky, see? Re-appearing when least
Expected. I’ll be happy for a while;
Then, suddenly, devoured by the beast;
Sanity made hostage to thoughts vile.
Although darkness offers comfort – release
From frustration and pain – the depression
Lies; breeding torment rather than peace;
Promising a void unknown as solution.
This is the conflict raging through my mind –
Each day I wake another battle won
Against myself. Yet, even triumph finds
Reason dragged closer to coming undone.
   True, I oft’ crave the ease of surrender;
   But, trials and woe remain ‘fore slumber.

I Can Fly Again

 By Bud Koenemund

Holding your hand, by and by, I can fly
Again; soaring across the universe;
Whirling beyond galaxies; defying
Gravity; past forms Heavenly diverse.
Wonders surpassing words unfold ‘round me,
Bathing all in both darkness and fire.
Yet, it is your touch which sets my mind free
From restraint; thy beauty inspiring
Ethereal peace – a body at rest,
Even as this tempest of creation
Engulfs my brain: fantastic visions that test
The limits of imagination.
   Wakefulness brings torment, and so it seems
   I can find solace only in my dreams.

In Darkness You Will Discover Stars

By Bud Koenemund

For C.

The night of death falls hard upon the heart;

A sackcloth veil shrouding everything held

Dear; breeding grief while spirit breaks apart,

And sadness engulfs those places love dwells.

Lady, I bear similar injuries:

Numbed by depression time may never heal;

Self-doubt that taints both joy and misery;

Abandoned to sorrow without appeal.

But, through pain, loss can empower your soul.

The maelstrom which brings about destruction –

Surging memories whirling uncontrolled –

Could ignite a fire of creation.

   Breathe deep, and do not fear to show your scars;

   For in darkness you will discover stars.

Darkness

By Bud Koenemund

For "Her."

I descend into the darkness slowly,
Reluctantly, for slumber provides no
Respite from the pain. I resist, knowing
My unconscious mind lacks the power to
Turn away visions of you, leaving me
Defenseless in the ether; foundering
In a dream of love that will never be
Real. I stand alone, chaos surrounding
Every thought; while doubt infects my brain,
All worldly cares slacken and madness raves.
Why must mem'ry continue to constrain,
Tempting a fragile spirit toward the grave?
   Sleep serves as no cure for this kind of tired,
   And my wit contends 'gainst death in the mire.

Suicidal Cure

By Bud Koenemund

My soul was not crushed by a single stone,
Nor drowned in the deluge of one tempest.
But, the weight of years alone has o'erthrown
My mind, and stripped the spirit to its rawest
Nerve. I am a man already dead –
Alive only in this physical form;
Left without rest, and many roads to tread;
Blindly groping for shelter from the storm.
Though I seek not a suicidal cure,
My first thought upon opening my eyes:
It's just another day I must endure,
Before I can finally lie down and die.
   I lack the light to vanquish this darkness,
   And, so must roam the wasteland of madness.

Heart of Darkness

For "Her."

How am I to bear this heart of darkness;

Rejection gnawing deep within my soul,

Like a malignant cancer, relentless

As time itself? What more shall be life's toll?

Must I live on, and endure further pain

For a sin grievous as falling in love?

'Tis sure affection is forever stained;

Cloaked by madness, and the frustration of

Questions I fear answerless – only vain

Queries, worth little more than breath exhaled.

I pray some remedy as mem'ry wanes,

Though, 'til that day, my humor remains veiled.

   No words can free a passion self-exiled,

   Nor, wash it clean once broken and defiled.