Grief

By Bud Koenemund

Grief will never refuse a chance to sneak
Up on me – quickening darkness; breeding
Sorrow; tearing apart defenses weak;
Leaving sanity broken and bleeding.
It taints the verses of a thousand songs;
Barely remembered poems can spark life;
Trapping my mind amidst numberless wrong
Turns – where memory waits with whetted knife.
This monster aims not to kill, but open
Wounds thought healed by time; renewing my pain.
Misery, faded – almost forgotten –
Returns, overwhelming what peace I’ve gained.
   Someday, one hopes, suffering may convert;
   For now, there are no days it doesn’t hurt.

Believe in Love Again

By Bud Koenemund

(Written: December 2020)

I will help you believe in love again;
Make thee feel adored and celebrated;
Safe enough to surrender; free of pain;
Sans sorrow; through my affection sated.
I’ll gather the pieces from your broken
Heart; combining them with such remaining
Parts of mine; building a fire which mends
Both – forged as one by passion unrestrained.
My soul’s quest shall be to make you smile;
Holding thy hand while healing the spirit.
Let not these flowery words beguile
Your eyes – those orbs I can never forget –
   But, trust in my actions, for they will prove
   This respect and devotion ‘ever true.

Blue Eyes Blue

By Bud Koenemund

For K.

I see the sadness hidden in your eyes;

A pain you try to bury, which lurks still;

Nearer the surface than you know; disguised,

Yet visible; lingering ‘gainst thy will.

Heartbreak and loneliness are compounding

Sorrows; breeding doubt; confusing every

Setback with tragedy; poisoning

The soul. But, trust time will dull memory,

Allowing you to heal. Made whole once more;

Emerging stronger; by love enfolded;

The gleam renewed in those sapphire orbs –

Shining like sunlight thawing Winter’s cold.

   My intent is these verses bring delight;

   A smile, if brief, to draw day from night.

In Darkness You Will Discover Stars

By Bud Koenemund

For C.

The night of death falls hard upon the heart;

A sackcloth veil shrouding everything held

Dear; breeding grief while spirit breaks apart,

And sadness engulfs those places love dwells.

Lady, I bear similar injuries:

Numbed by depression time may never heal;

Self-doubt that taints both joy and misery;

Abandoned to sorrow without appeal.

But, through pain, loss can empower your soul.

The maelstrom which brings about destruction –

Surging memories whirling uncontrolled –

Could ignite a fire of creation.

   Breathe deep, and do not fear to show your scars;

   For in darkness you will discover stars.

The Tears of a Clown

By Bud Koenemund

For Robin Williams

It seems those blessed in creativity
Are oft’ tortured as well by depression;
Demons who whisper so persuasively;
Tempting them e’er closer to destruction.
Though approbation may stave off despair,
It can grow strong, creeping in the shadows
Of the mind, while all remain unaware
Their well-meant compliments can ring hollow.
I can’t pretend to understand your pain,
Only empathize by comparison:
We each bear our own burdens; many chained
To fear and doubt; mocked by imperfection.
   O Captain! though words will pale ‘gainst sorrow;
   Despite tears, I’ll rise to seize tomorrow.

My Sorrow

“…I say we go and drown our sorrows.” – Amy Lynn Watkins, 10 June 2011

I suffer in affection for I know
You’ll never be mine. My heart lies fallow,
And prayers seem merely pleas to a shadow,
As love strains to endure the stings and blows
Of self-doubt that leave me like a scarecrow –
Outwardly a man, but inside hollow.
My spirit crumbles in a crescendo
Of pain, and hope is dashed on rocks below;
Though I have no right, I beg you, bestow
Thy favor upon me; thus sate a soul
T'will dare to love thee every tomorrow,
And so thrive forever in your sun’s glow.
While desire restrains my voice, I am woe
To confess, Lady, you are my sorrow.

A Few Lines to Leave Behind

For my Family and Friends
28 August 2007

I pen these few lines to leave behind me,
In excuse for all those I shall bear hence,
To express the simple love I owe thee,
That could make such prolong’d argument;
I journey forth now to the promised land
Of faith, not unwilling, but unafraid;
To search for the eternal answers, and
Regretting only the things left unsaid;
I have paid the Lord the death He is due
And found an end to this fragile life’s pain.
With last breath I proclaim my love for you,
And thus defeat death when that love remains.
Allow these brief words to ease your sorrow,
And know we’ll meet some happy tomorrow.